Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
