I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
