I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
