dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
