in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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