Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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