Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
