Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
