You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
