worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
