and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
