Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
