I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
