i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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