If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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