We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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