Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize