I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
