ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
