Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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