I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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