My underwear smells like fireworks.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
