Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
