It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
