somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
