no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
