smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
