Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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