So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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