I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
