No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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