party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
