i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
