shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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