if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
