yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
