sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
