i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
