Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
