I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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