He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
