oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
