i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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