dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
