dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
