I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
