In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
