that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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