apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
