I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
