I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
