found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We talked him into tasing himself.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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