There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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