im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
