So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
