LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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