Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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