Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
