i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
