Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
