Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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