I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
