My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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