saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
