OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
