Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
