Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
