Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
