It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So squirting runs in the family.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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