my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
