Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
