Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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