2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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