just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
