How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
