Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
that is very illegal...i love you.
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