and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting