we have officially lost it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
