I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...