Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age