There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
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Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So vagazzling was a success
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.